Love and Anger

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I came upon a revelation last night.
Having never understood people who could look at their children and say, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I was taken by complete surprise by that very overwhelming emotion. My daughter heard me and my hubby arguing last night [of which I will bitch about in a minute] and when the old man turned away, my daughter called to me. I went to her door to peek in and she said, I love you mom. I was never more grateful for my daughter…

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Just because I’m wrong doesn’t mean I can’t bitch! 

I can’t keep a freaking balance. I want to, I try to, I always screw it up…somewhere along the line.  I’m a shithead and sick and tired of feeling like the only one who makes mistakes around here.  God knows, He made other people perfect….

Why am I the only one who has to do things that go against the grain?  Other people aren’t doing things that are hard for them. They aren’t stepping outside any character box in order to complete a task. It’s all easy shmeasy. [offtopic]They didn’t carry four children then HAVE to overcome all these NONmaternal instincts.[<–sarcastic tone] Not everyone is automatically child friendly. Hell, I stopped babysitting in high school because I couldn’t stand the kids anymore.  Of course it’s different with my own kids, but that doesn’t mean at their births I donned the cloak of patience and craftiness. No. I have to work at it if I partake at all.

[on topic] Don’t go to fucking sleep on your anger. That’s the bullshittiest phrase ever. Sometimes, I hate my life. I want to run away to Vegas and forget other people. I want to live on the edge…do things I never got a chance to do.

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But, then I hear a screech from down the hallway as a streak of blue races by the kitchen. “Potty. I gotta go potty!” And I laugh because my four year old waited too long again. And I love when he gets breathless in his panic. It’s so cute and worth way more than a thousand reckless escapades. 

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